Are you Abused?  Does the person you love. . .

• Keep track of all your time?

• Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?

• Discourage your relationships with family and friends?

• Prevent you from working or attending group meetings or school?

• Criticize you for little things?

• Anger easily when drinking alcohol or taking drugs?

• Control all finances and force you to account in detail for what you spend?

• Humiliate you in front of others?

• Destroy personal property or sentimental items?

• Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?

• Use, or threaten to use, a weapon against you?

• Threaten to hurt you, your children, your family, or your friends?

• Blame you for everything including their anger?

• Throw or smash things, hit walls, or slam doors?

• Tell you that you're worthless and that no one else will ever want you?

• Force you to engage in sex against your will?

• If you answer "yes" to even a few of these questions, it's time to get help. No one deserves to be treated this way.

If you are hurt, what can you do?

There are no easy answers, but there are things you can do to protect yourself.

Don't ignore the problem!

Call the police. Assault, even by the family members is a crime.

You are not alone! It is estimated that . . .

One out of every three women in this country will suffer some kind of violence at the hands of her partner.

***

Between two and four million women are assaulted by their partner every year.

***

Up to two million men are assaulted by their partner every year.

***

Three million children are abused every year.

***

Abuse by a partner is the leading cause of injury to women ages 15 to 44.

***

A woman is abused every 9 seconds and four are killed every day by their partner.

***

One out of every ten women is sexually assaulted at least once by her partner.

***

59% of battered women have been forced to have sex with their partner.

***

90% of batterers have no criminal record.

Only 1 out of every 270 incidents of abuse is reported. Usually because the victim...

1) Denies the seriousness of the situation.

2) Tries to protect the batterer.

3) Believes it should be kept in the family.

4) Believes they deserve the abuse.

5) Fears the alternatives (i.e. loss of support). 6) Fears worse abuse for telling someone

7) Is ashamed.

8) Believes it won't happen again, even though it often does..

What does the law say?

If you are the victim of domestic violence, you may ask the state attorney (357-6955) to file a criminal complaint. You also have the right to go to court and file a petition requesting an injunction for protection from domestic violence which may include, but need not be limited to, provisions which restrain the abuser from entering your residence, school, business, or place of employment; award you custody of minor children; and direct the abuser to pay support to you and your minor children if the abuser has a legal obligation to do so.

How can this law help?

The law protects you if you are being abused or threatened by your spouse, former spouse, family, or household member who IS or WAS living in the same household as you. You need not be married or related to the abuser to be protected under the law.

This special law enables you to get a judge to ORDER the abuse to STOP.

The paper that starts this process is called a Petition for Injunction for Protection Against Domestic Violence. It explains to the judge what protection you need and from whom.

You can get help even if you cannot afford to pay court fees.  The court clerk will help you in filling out the proper forms.

What can the judge do for you?

After you file your Petition, the judge can sign a Temporary or Permanent Injunction, or both. Either type will tell the abuser that they may not be violent toward you.

A Temporary Injunction can be obtained on the same day you file your Petition, without a hearing and without the abuser knowing first. It lasts for a stated period of time not to exceed 15 days, and is given to you by the judge when you are in immediate danger of being hurt.

A Permanent Injunction can go into affect later. It remains in effect indefinitely and can be vacated only by a judge. The judge may want to hold a hearing before signing the Permanent Injunction.

Some things the judge MAY order in the Injunction are that:

• The abuser not have any contact with, or commit any acts of violence against you, your children, or others living with you.

• The abuser immediately leave the home.  The abuser stay away from your home and job.

• You have temporary custody of any children you and the abuser have together.

• The abuser go to counseling.

The judge can order other help, depending on the circumstances. This is why the contents of the Petition and your attendance at all hearings is so important-so that you can tell the judge what you need and why you need it.

A person refusing to follow a judge's order can be put in jail. If the abuser disobeys the judge's order, contact the police and show them the certified copy of the Injunction for Protection. In some cases the officer will arrest the abuser.

Do You . . .

Walk on egg shells when your partner is around?

Avoid smiling at other people so your partner doesn't fly into a jealous rage?

Have sex to keep the peace, prevent the abuse, or to calm your partner down?

Never refuse sex because of repercussions such as grocery money being withheld?

Does your partner . . .

Show genuine remorse, or even cry after the

abuse, and promise never to do it again?

***

Tell you they will commit suicide if you leave?

***

Blame your behavior for their abuse?

These are all forms of control a batterer uses to keep you in the relationship.

Domestic violence is more than physical abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse usually accompany the violence, and often begin before the violence in the relationship starts. Threats, intimidation, isolation, degradation, and mind games are all forms of abuse.

Feelings of being worthless, inadequate, physically unappealing, and stupid are tools the batterer uses to keep you in the madness.

You deserve a happy and abuse free life. Help is available. Use it and find the safety and happiness you're entitled to.

Do you know someone who is being abused?

If you think so, reach out to them. Don't give up easily, changes take time. Ending the family's isolation is a critical first step. You could be saving someone's life.

Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life, all cultures, income groups, ages, and religions. They share feelings of helplessness, isolation, guilt, fear and shame. They did not ask to be a victim, and are often caught in a vicious circle. The longer they stay and harder they try to make the relationship work, the harder it becomes to leave.

Have you hurt someone you love?

Take responsibility for your actions and get help. Call a domestic violence hotline or health center and ask about counseling and support groups for people who batter.

Accept the fact that your violent behavior will destroy you family. Be aware that you break the law when you physically hurt someone.

When you feel tension building, get away. Work off the angry energy through a walk, project, or sport.

Related Publications - Prevention Guide to Domestic Violence